Say My Name

I woke up a bit earlier than normal this morning, and even though my boyfriend stirred, he did not wake as I left the bed, so I got myself some leftover coffee -- I always drink it iced anyway, even in the winter -- and sat to allow myself wake-up time with mindless internet clicking.  First I scrolled through Facebook to see what my night-owl friends had posted, which was, as usual, very little of interest, and then I turned to Twitter.  I found this:

"Too much action: The gay sex event that made me a prudehttp://slnm.us/zCwYUU0  #SalonArchives"  

I clicked it, even though lately Salon has been annoying me, because I thought it might resonate.  And it did.  I didn't have a single event, and while I concede I must have been doing it wrong, I found my own Black Party experience to be more boring and depressing than anything else, but I did experience a transition from my exploratory mid-20s into finding the extreme sexual behaviors of many gay men to be tiresome.  I don't know that I'd use the word prude for myself, but I did definitely feel a connection to what the piece was conveying.

Then I got to the bottom, and I guess I must have skimmed past the byline, because I saw the name Thomas Rogers and the connection suddenly felt inexplicably greater, because the author's name is so similar to my own.  So, of course then I had to check out more of what this person had written and I found an article, a more recent one, it turns out, titled "No. 1 Thomas Rogers in the world," about the act of googling one's one name, and of couse I had to read that too.

I've googled my own name, as I'm sure we all have, and in fact my decision to use my full name, which no one ever calls me, in my professional life, came about from discovering that there was a football player named Charlie Rogers who I never thought I'd be able to surpass in a name search.  So the article was fun for me, especially due to the similarity of our names, as when the author points out that Rogers is 54th most common name in the US, and the famous people who've spoiled it for us, well, I get that.  I was a bit surprised that he didn't mention one of the banes of my existence, the Thomas Rogers who was responsible for creating Charlie the Tuna, you know, "Sorry, Charlie," which I've been hearing my whole life, but I suppose if that guy, who is long deceased, isn't ranking very high on google than it's not necessarily cogent to the piece. But I must confess I read the article with another agenda, an almost embarrassing one.  Since I use my full name professionally, and my middle name is Thomas, and none of my names are particularly memorable, I sometimes get listed as "Thomas Charles Rogers" or just "Thomas Rogers" and so I wondered, would he mention me?  Duh, of couse he wouldn't mention me, but still, I hoped.

The last paragraph contained this:  "A few months ago, a new Thomas Rogers had arrived on the scene. He was an aspiring DJ and 'erotic photographer' who lived in San Francisco."  

Oh my god, that's me.

I mean, I never aspired to be a DJ -- I used to co-produce original electronic/dance music which is actually not at all like being a DJ, but it's also a common mistake -- and I like to think of myself as way more than just an "erotic" photographer, though given the way google works, I can certainly see why it would seem like that's what I do.  I did live in San Francisco, up until two weeks ago.

"He also really liked posting photos of himself holding a very large appendage."

Oops, guilty as charged.  I suppose I knew that would come back to get me eventually, as I'm sure it's not even done coming back to get me.  I did say earlier that I wouldn't use the word "prude" to describe myself, right?  All those self-portraits, marks that I've left on my own name, impossible to scrub away now, are part of my own journey from a self-loathing closet dweller to whatever it is that I am now, and while I may blush at their mention, I am not ashamed of them.  

I've always had an uneasy relationship with my name, but this Thomas Rogers guy seems pretty cool.  Maybe I'm starting to like it better.  Maybe after another coffee, I'll be able to say for sure.